It is yet another Monday morning, and I have not slept an entire night again. Well, I am not an insomniac, but excess of sleep since Friday has precipitated in another night full of thoughts, dreams and memories. Memories, yes of my loved ones, and of my late mother. I jotted the below quote few minutes back on Facebook and this blog post seems quite connected with this one:
Your mother is the next important person other than your soul, and yes I say it after 8 years of harsh separation (the final one) from my mother. Today, when I visit my home kitchen early morning, and look at pieces of cut tomato leftover on the shelf (the remains of my cooking last night for dinner) and the fact that they are still there, I think of my mother. She was a dynamic cleaning agent who would not leave any piece of dirt lying on the same shelf until 2010. Mothers are naturally trained to teach kids to stay clean and healthy. I say that because I have closely observed a cat family, and the way a cat teaches its kids to clean their body, and other basic life skills. I owe a lot of what I am today to my late mother, and my dear father. My parents and my sibling (brother) have always supported me in everything I did, and continue to do so today. So, coming back to the quote again, learning from the demise of my mother and the fact that human body is transient, I do not see any intelligence in picking up petty fights with others, and then spending an entire life in taking a revenge thereon (typical of many bollywood movies where they show khandaani dushmani (rivalry that exists between various generations of enemies)). Life is too short to be spoiled with the menace of jealousy, enmity, hatred or anything else. Spread peace, and love with your entire heart!
Many of you may refute my point saying that we can’t love everyone, and there will be always competition. Yes, compete, but not at the cost of humanity, please! Be a fair player! Do ethical business. At the end of the long tunnel of life, death awaits all of us, and we will never be present to attend our funeral meeting! So, be a pleasant memory in the minds of fellow humans.
Life is certainly not a bed of roses. There are upheavals, no matter what you do. Whether you are down from depression due to a tragic event or illness; or you just had a heartbreak; the only person who can pull you out of your adverse situation is “you.” Yes, trust me on that.
Let me take few examples. Now, let us assume you just failed your exam, and it is the cause of your concern. When you go to others for help, the best advice you will hear from anyone, and almost everyone -“work hard, and you will make it.” Well, you may feel motivated to work hard, but the actual person or act that will change your situation will be “you” through “your efforts.” Unless “you” actually put in the hard work, nothing will change.
The next example which I would like to share is that of losing weight. A person who is obese is often bullied and given unwanted advice on losing weight. It can be annoying for the person, and depressing too; especially when things are not working out well. Here again, the only person who can really make a difference is “you.” Yes, only “you” can focus on your diet plans, and it is “you” whose conviction makes all the difference.
Lastly, the only difference between success and failure is your attitude towards a problem. One way of thinking about an issue is that it is complex and you must quit. Another point of view is to think through the problem, analyze the root cause, and then try to find a solution. Holding on to a positive attitude can make a lot of difference in your life. It is “you” who has to be brave enough to accept a challenge, and then work on ways to resolve it. Just running away from an issue never helps anyone.
खुला आकाश देख मन कहता है
मुझे भी पंख दो हवा में उड़ने दो
चाहे कठिन हो कितनी भी डगर
हम मंज़िल से मुँह न मोड़ेंगे
चाहे हो कितनी बड़ी चट्टान मगर
हम ना पीछा छोड़ेंगे
चाहे हो ज़मीन आग उगलती
या समंदर की हो उंची लेहरें उछलती
हम ना पीछे देखेंगे
बस आगे बढ़ते जायेंगे
हर मुश्किल के रेगिस्तान में
हम विजय का झंडा लेहराएंगे
How to read:
Khula aakash dekh man kehta hai
Muje bhi pankh do hwa mein udne do
Chahe kathhin ho kitna bhi dagar
Hum manjil se muh na modege
Chahei ho kitni badi chhtaan magar
Hum na picha chodege
Chahe ho jamin aag uaglti
Ya samnder ki ho unchi lehre uchalti
Hum na piche dekhege
Bus age badte jayege
Har mushkil ke registaan mein
Hum vijay ka jhanda lehrayegein
तेज़ दर्द में भी मुस्कुराना सीखा है तुमसे
डगमगाती कश्ती में न थरथराना सीखा है तुमसे
यूँ तो लोग बहादुर कहलाते है जंग लड़के लेकिन
ज़िन्दगी की जंग को लड़ते जाना सीखा है तुमसे
चाहे हो छाए काले बदल या हो छाया घोर अँधेरा
तुमको तो दिख जाता था दूर कही उगता सूरज
क्या कहना तुम्हारे साहस का क्या कहना तुम्हारा धीरज का
तुम्हारा वो मुस्कुरा कर सह लेना चाहे जो हो संकट
सलाम है तुमको चाहे आज तुम मेरे साथ नहीं
दिल में मेरे जीती रहोगी हमेशा जैसे जीती हो आज अभी
Next motivational book on my agenda is : The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris. I am motivated to finish this book before valentine’s eve! I have just gone through the first chapter though. The book is based on ACT therapy which is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which has been created in USA by psychologist Steven Hayes and his colleagues.
There is nothing called as permanent happiness.
Happiness is short-lived. Ideal partner does not remain ideal forever. Endings are not always happy. We are bound to face adverse situations at some times in our life. It is important that we learn to face adverse situations rather than thinking that all others except us are living happily!
How we set up the happiness trap?
Common myths :
All humans beings are naturally and instinctively happy.
If you are unhappy, something is wrong with you.
You must get out of all negative feelings to get better life.
You should have a control on your thoughts and feelings.
The point is that as an individual you can show that you have a perfect control over your emotions – by posing strong. But what about your inner self? You cannot lie to yourself. Women find it easier to admit their emotions in comparison to men who are taught things like boys don’t cry and all.
In the final chapter of the inspirational book, I found one of the most enlightening thoughts. It is about self-image. In our life, we often keep on complaining I cannot be a good singer, I am bad at maths and many other things. But the fact is that we have not tried it sincerely and our thoughts have made us believe that we are bad at those tasks. So it is good that we decide to change ourselves for the better.
Step 1 : The first step towards being a better person is that you recognize your self-image. Talk to yourself – your abilities, your strengths and dare to break your barriers.
Step 2 : Trust yourself that you can change your self-image. Yes, if you make efforts you can be a better person today. Try doing something which you have always been denying and you will feel much better.
Step 3 : Decide which kind of person you would like to be. Whether you want to be like Saints, like famous scientists or other people. Choose the qualities you want to adapt – honesty, determination, humour etc
Step 4 : Write on a piece of paper what kind of person you want to become and read it daily.
Step 5 : Spend maximum time with the person which you want to become. Read his books, know about him and think about his qualities.
All you need to do is identify your self and just do it practically. Have faith in God. Be a good human being.