The circle of self-control is vicious. For example, you escape negative feelings by avoidance. But when you face the situation, you feel anxious. If you don’t like socializing and you need to socialize you feel anxious about it. Avoiding socializing is not the solution to the problem. It only adds to the problem.
Similarly avoiding negative or sad emotions is not the solution. When you are in grief, sad emotions are but natural. Controlling your emotions is not the solution but you should accept the situation as it is. You will try to suppress negative feelings, but they will reappear sooner or later.
Next motivational book on my agenda is : The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris. I am motivated to finish this book before valentine’s eve! I have just gone through the first chapter though. The book is based on ACT therapy which is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which has been created in USA by psychologist Steven Hayes and his colleagues.
There is nothing called as permanent happiness.
Happiness is short-lived. Ideal partner does not remain ideal forever. Endings are not always happy. We are bound to face adverse situations at some times in our life. It is important that we learn to face adverse situations rather than thinking that all others except us are living happily!
How we set up the happiness trap?
Common myths :
- All humans beings are naturally and instinctively happy.
- If you are unhappy, something is wrong with you.
- You must get out of all negative feelings to get better life.
- You should have a control on your thoughts and feelings.
The point is that as an individual you can show that you have a perfect control over your emotions – by posing strong. But what about your inner self? You cannot lie to yourself. Women find it easier to admit their emotions in comparison to men who are taught things like boys don’t cry and all.