The Vicious Circle of Self Control : Happiness Trap

The circle of self-control is vicious. For example, you escape negative feelings by avoidance. But when you face the situation, you feel anxious. If you don’t like socializing and you need to socialize you feel anxious about it. Avoiding socializing is not the solution to the problem. It only adds to the problem.

Similarly avoiding negative or sad emotions is not the solution. When you are in grief, sad emotions are but natural. Controlling your emotions is not the solution but you should accept the situation as it is. You will try to suppress negative feelings, but they will reappear sooner or later.

The trap of happiness : Smart Facts

Next motivational book on my agenda is : The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris. I am motivated to finish this book before valentine’s eve! I have just gone through the first chapter though. The book is based on ACT therapy which is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which has been created in USA by psychologist Steven Hayes and his colleagues.

There is nothing called as permanent happiness.

Happiness is short-lived. Ideal partner does not remain ideal forever. Endings are not always happy. We are bound to face adverse situations at some times in our life. It is important that we learn to face adverse situations rather than thinking that all others except us are living happily!

How we set up the happiness trap?

Common myths :

  1. All humans beings are naturally and instinctively happy.
  2. If you are unhappy, something is wrong with you.
  3. You must get out of all negative feelings to get better life.
  4. You should have a control on your thoughts and feelings.

The point is that as an individual you can show that you have a perfect control over your emotions – by posing strong. But what about your inner self? You cannot lie to yourself.  Women find it easier to admit their emotions in comparison to men who are taught things like boys don’t cry and all.


Happiness lies within

We always have complaints – we did n’t achieve this in our life, we lost this, we have grief, we don’t have money, we are suffering, we have pain and so on. We are so dynamic with our mind that even metro rail seems to be slower than the speed with which our thoughts keep on fluctuating. We want to have vanilla ice cream at one point of time but while having the ice cream, if we see someone having butterscotch or chocolate, we think about having it next time. We keep on cribbing that we don’t have enough money, we are not rich enough to travel in Mercedes and live in bungalows. We simply have no idea about the stress faced by a multimillionaire businessman who can’t sleep properly. Are we not better than many wealthier people in the sense that we sleep with contentment. There are not many people who are fortunate like us to have loved ones. Have you ever thought about how a kid who has just lost his father feels on his birthday or special days when he would want his father’s support. Have you thought about parents who have just lost their only child? There are many people in this world who are in a much more critical condition than you are today. So stop complaining and thank God that you have loved ones- family and friends, thank God that you get food to eat, thank God that you are educated enough to be able to read this article, thank God that you are physically fit. There are always two ways to look at a situation : choose a positive side and all will be well.

Some small things which will keep you happy and calm :

  • Leave “I”
  • Practice “Us”
  • Help others
  • Prayers and Meditation
  • Respect other creatures (Humans, Animals and Plants)

Sometimes life does not move the way we want it to, it is better to accept the bad phase with dignity and continue the journey with a smile and a strong belief – “All will be well” .

Anushka Suri